Fingers crossed.

Not sure how I got to where I am. Not sure what I did. The fairly random choices that we make in our lives lead us in directions that we never thought we would travel in. I think that despite some major fears and uncertainties I have finally exorcised a demon that will make this month a lot easier. As if this time could ever be that easy.

Something that I quit doing... I am thankful for;
1. The chances I took that paid off.
2. Those that I love.
3. Life and the opportunities contained within.

And I pray for the strength I need right now.

More then you ever wanted to know... so bored

So this post will teach you all two things - when I say that I should sign up for a pottery class I am deadly serious. Secondly... if you're bored enough to actually read it - come to pottery class with me.

I just saw these on other blogs and thought that they were cool. And I did it. And now you're stuck with it.

1. It drives me insane to leave the house if I haven't showered.
2. I'm not happy unless I'mthe right temperature.
3. White cars with dark tinted windows terrify me.
4. Sometimes food is the only thing that can cheer me up.
5. The smell of old aluminum screen doors is the smell of happiness.
6. I like Staples better then any shoe store.
7. Tall, red-headed men with full beards make me want to run and hide.
8. Buy me a cheesy card and I'll love you forever.
9. I actually liked the "Canadian Tire smell".
10. I believe the hardest part of having faith is trusting in things to turn out for the best, even while knowing that might not be the way you wanted things to turn out.
11. There is one laugh I would give anything to hear again.
12. Grown men whose minds never advanced past childhood make me cry faster then anything else.
13. Mozart's estimated IQ is around mind.
14. Clearly I used to be smarter then I am now.
15. I hate Valentine's Day.
16. I love zambonis.
17. I used to have to take pills crushed in jam - now I don't mind pills but hate blueberry jam.
18. My biggest fear is to be held somewhere against my will.
19. I got out of St. Thomas drug free.
20. I will try anything once except (clearly) drugs and strange meats.
21. I secretly think piercings are disgusting and have trouble wearing earrings... but I still do.
22. I have a Borges quote for every situation in life.
23. My best purchase of the year was a $5 Alf dvd.
24. I think hands are sexy. But only if you have sexy hands.
25. Loving Elvis is in my genes.
26. I would never date a guy who didn't have a job.
27. And empty Moosehead represents everything good about my girlfriends.
28. I love rings.
29. Pet Semetary was the scariest movie ever.
30. Libraries and I have a love-hate relationship.
31. I secretly (well it used to be a secret) love country.
32. Some of my wounds may never heal - but they remind me not to take life for granted.
33. I once payed over $20 for a Philosopher Kings cd - don't laugh they rule.
34. The best part about being the manager of anything is having keys.
35. At my lowest times I miss Canadian Tire.
36. I've read all the Little House on the Prairie books at least 200 times.
37. I actually say my prayers every night before bed.
38. I still sleep with the same blanket and teddy bear I've had since birth.
39. I have a secret plan in case I ever need to run away from home.
40. I would marry Gary Sinise but woudl never ever call him anything but Lieutenant Dan.
41. I am a classic Libra.
42. I like to believe the world is still a good place.
43. Tongue depressors are the worst things ever.
44. I have a sticker album and I love it.
45. In Grade Two I belonged to the Statler Brothers fan club (thanks Gram).
46. Need I add - public school sucked ass.
47. Crab soccer should be an Olympic sport.
48. I can't bear the idea of forgetting anything.
49. I am scared of going blind and losing my teeth when I get old.
50. Harlequins are what I read when I am depressed or lonely.
51. I wish I were even vaguely musical.
52. Tea can make anything better.
53. The word disciples is impossible to say under stress.
54. Josh Groban could do anything he wanted with me.
55. When I believe in something I don't give up.
56. I hate wallpaper in any form.
57. I've held more lizards then I care to remember.
58. I once covered my face in Penaten when I was supposed to be napping - there are pictures.
59. Sometimes I get really attached to book characters.
60. I hate a certain arrogant WLU poli sci prof - damn Docherty.
61. I hate mopping floors at work but like mopping my own at home.
62. Pictures make me happy - if I'm not in them.
63. My Neopet is 1703 days old.
64. I have really small ears.
65. My nickname was once Lopsided Midget Girl.
66. Men who can wear suits make me drool.
67. I have kissed a girl.
68. I want to bring back ICQ.
71. My first kiss was in grade nine.
72. Baseball players are my atheletes of choice.
73. I've never spent a night outside of Canada.
74. I burn my bridges.
75. I usually regret burning my bridges... but do it again the next time.
76. I don't trust anyone who smokes menthol cigarrettes.
77. I think that the United Way sponsors charities without requiring any accountability from them.
78. I lie well and easily - so I try not too.
79. Colouring books are fun.
80. I have to brush my teeth three times a day.
81. Not having lip balm could drive me over the edge.
82. I am constantly thirsty.
83. I want to be able to wear red lipstick without feeling ridiculous.
84. I once got a ride to school in a limo.
85. A lot of people I love have died - makes you worry eh?
86. I don't believe in the death penalty.
87. Yellow rooms make me happy.
88. Towels should always smell like dove soap.
89. Scents trigger memories more then anything else for me.
90. I don't fall in love easily.
91. I was nineteen before I had a kiss that stopped the world and made me say wow.
92. I avoid confrontation because I don't fight fair.
93. Pine trees are comforting.
94. Ruffles BBQ chips are the best.
95. I will procrastinate anything.
96. I love the middle of the night and sunrise more then any other times.
97. I want to live in Papa New Guinea because they have a climate of perpetual spring.
98. Autumn is my favourite season though.
99. I used to want to be a writer.
100. Yes the fact that I was bored enough to do this has made me want to reevaluate my life

I hate making decisions!

I've gotten to the point that I don't even know where to start a post. So I don't. Clearly its been a few months since I even bothered to try.

I have no idea what I am doing with my life... where I am going or what I am going to do next year. Even a simple decision about where I am going to live is too much for me to deal with. I do not understand why crawling into my bed, under my covers and watching CNN all day is not a valid option. Alright maybe I'm exaggerating just a little bit as I clearly do drag myself out of bed every day. A few, very few people, who I love dearly say that whatever decision I make will be the right one, and support me no matter what decision it is I make. The rest all seem to think that whatever decision I make, and whatever options I suggest are clearly leading to a lifetime career at McDonald's working for minimum wage.

Unfortunately the people who have all the answers to my life scream louder then my own thoughts so they might be winning. See I always trusted their opinions before cause they were telling me how wonderful I am. Why shouldn't I trust them when they're telling me how wrong I am?

Its so hard to deal with the indecision and uncertainty... especially considering I always knew exactly where I was going in my life.

I should be happy - but instead I'm just overwhelmed.

Thanks to those who listen, hug and support. I love you more then you know. And I hope you're still there beside me when I'm flipping burgers at McDonalds. Someday I'll know what I'md oing right?