The sun is gonna shine

"Any time something is written against me, I not only share the sentiment but I feel I could do the job far better myself. Perhaps I should advise would be enemies to send me their grievances beforehand, with full assurance that they will receive my every aid and support. I have even secretly longed to write, under a pen name, a merciless tirade against myself."
~Autobiographical Essay by Borges~

I think that this quote says so much. When we hear something negative said about ourselves, we tend to exaggerate it and make it worse. So when the comments start out quite unpleasant - the result snowballs and magnifies. There is no one who could judge me more harshly then I judge myself. And no one could ever doubt me more then I doubt myself. But some people sure are good at helping me along that path.

I further realized something I started to realize yesterday as I listened to myself speak (type?) to someone earlier. I need to let this constant tirade stop getting to me. I think it could be the most potentially damaging environment ever, threatening to send me to places that I never want to be again. I have to fight so hard every day to keep from doubting every single aspect of my life based on this one. And its ridiculous. No matter how things may once have been, I am not that insecure - and I refuse to stay in a situation that makes me feel this way.

I have to say thank you to Brian, Meg, Bonnie and my Mommy for dealing with my insecurities of the past little while with patience and love and support. If you can call threatening to throw someone into a snowbank support (thanks Meggie). And the only thing I can do with you guys is take some actual actions in order to move past this stage in my life. Which I am doing with fingers crossed. And a lot of telling myself that I am not failing - I am trying to be happy and there is nothing wrong with that.

And tomorrow is going to be such a good day - The Benefits of Doubt finally release their CD. Ben and Mike deserve it so much and it is going to be such a phenomenal night. Their music has meant so much to so many people - when I think of them I can't help but smile. No matter what else there was always Wednesdays and happiness/drunkeness/sadness/swaying/dancing/me trying to dance/love/hugs/support/hope and most of all friends. So yay Ben and Mike and yay for cd release parties!