A day that "Rendered me so isolated, so motivated"

I think I might be in love with Lucas Mire... Marcos was pointing me towards songs. The lyrics to Heartbeat... definitely my song of the day. And today has been one of those days when you go through a lot of different songs searching for the one to sum up the day. As if there is anyway to sum up this particular day.

That the day is almost over is the best way to sum it up. For about ten minutes I thought it was going to get a bit better. Shoulda knocked wood.

So much faith. Never thought that I could have so much. Never thought that there would get to be a point in my life where I would have to. My patience has been tested, bent and nearly broken today. I feel like I'm a board set between two stones and I'm being jumped up and down on to see how long it will be until I break. Some people may be a little surprised. Although ironically enough I'm pretty close to snapping... and you know I've been up too long when I start mixing metaphors.

This day has been so very long. I never understood how you can go to bed on a tomorrow that has so much promise and wake to a day that holds so little fulfillment. Tomorrow - I am going to the bank, I am buying conditioner, I am going to a staff meeting and then I am going to sit in my room and read. If you want me, that's where I will be. Feel free to crash my anti-socialness but don't expect me to exit on my own.

I don't know what I hate more - when your tomorrows fall short of your expectations or when you're too tired to have any.

I'm tired of being expected to write someone off based on the experiences and emotions of another. I can't do it, I won't do it and I won't be ashamed that I won't. Maybe I'm going to get hurt doing it, and certainly I have in other situations. But I won't live a life with regrets about wasted friendships. I'm not shy about standing up for myself if betrayed or hurt - but until that actually happens I'm not going to live my life as if it had. If I did I would have already missed out on one of the most beneficial and uplifting friendships of my life. This is not an attempt to devalue anyone's emotions or experiences or an act of ingratitude, simply an attempt at explaining a point of view and a small defense of someone who is one of my best friends and has always treated me as such. Things are not always as obvious as they seem and there are two points of view to every story. This is mine. That's all that I'm saying on this subject.