Look at the Swiss Cheese Girl... let's laugh and point!

My posts are pretty sporadic.  Unlike my paper journal I actually feel as though I have to write coherently.  You never know who might be reading your blog.  Alright so the answer to that is no one but it stops me from just pouring out my rambled, mumbled, jumbled, bleeding thoughts.  That was *drumroll* until tonight when I just need to rant.  Albeit a tired, emotionally-drained, shouting in a very quiet voice rant.
 
I feel like I am missing pieces.  I'm empty.  I'm tired.  I can't take any more.  I'm shouting... quietly... on the inside and am still surprised when no one is listening.  That's not true - I'm surprised when the people who are listening are those that I would least expect to listen. 
 
What do I know?  I know that I trust too much.  I know that I refuse to start a relationship asking myself how much potential there is for hurt.  I know that I'm loyal for the right reasons and I know that I fuck up... a lot... not usually for the right reasons.  I have a sick need to believe, a great deal of blind faith and that the cynicism is 6.7 out of 10 times total bullshit.  I know when I feel betrayed. 
 
My life contains a lot of contradictions.  Sometimes I joke that I'm just one big walking contradiction.  For example, the people who have 'inspired' this post will sympathize with me never believing it could possibly be intended for them.  I don't care.  All I hope is that the people it isn't intended for understand that I love them.  And that I trust them, don't care if I could get hurt, that I will be loyal and fuck up.  And that I have blind faith.  I believe in you.